Sex and the City

Well, I went. On Friday night. And I went with 15-20 women who I didn't know all that well. It was a hoot! I would have liked a couple of my other pals to go but they are too high brow and don't watch TV so Sex and the City would be lost on them. Oh well.

I was working all afternoon but played hooky to get some pink tissue paper in different shades to make a flower for each of the women. I had no idea how to make it so I looked it up on youtube. What a great invention! See here. I thought it would be funny to see the group from our town and plus we could identify each other in the crowd. Do you know people actually offered to pay me for the flowers??

The entire giant suburban theater was filled with women over 30 and most over 40. It was total girl power. There were only two men. I know this because my friend S. got their early to hold a place in line and we were almost the first ones in. My other friend SP. brought the Cosmos in Vitamin Water bottles. Very ingenious! We knew the movie was not oscar worthy and that wasn't the point. The clothes were great and the friendships were great.

We all went out afterwards to drink martinis and eat together and it was such fun. My friend C. go to come. She is a pal who was in my book group but we are both book group drop outs because the books were very serious and intense. I loved some of the books, but every single time? I was the one who recommended The Red Tent. It was like a comic book compared to the rest. Not that I didn't enjoy a lot of them. I never would have read through Blindness on my own. But for pete's sake, we couldn't even read anything off the Oprah book club list because it was deemed too commercial! We had a published writer, (actually two), a psychologist, a scientist, a recovering lawyer, and an industrial psychologist and fifty million degrees and a Rhodes Scholar, but we were too stupid to pick fun books once in a while. Though I do want to go back to the book club. I love the women in it..but I guess I needed a break.

And so, this is why we had to see Sex and the City the movie. Because it is stupid fun.
When the boys in Hollywood finally get it, they will realize it really doesn't take that much to please women. Less car chases and death, more happy endings. And with so many of us aging and earning, and by the way living longer than you do, you boys would do well to cater to us a little. Make the girls feel special. Your box office will be a lot richer...

Hard copy

The Wall Street Journal had an excellent three part series ( part 3 here) for the last three days on the sale of Bear Stearns. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in intrigue, drama and money. Many of my women friends, or my liberal friends, refuse to read this paper. I honestly have no idea why.
If you are women, why does that mean this newspaper should intimidate you? Honestly, it is really all gossip. Good gossip about families and finance. There are such fabulous stories of family intrigue, of vice and virtue, and of just plain silliness.
And as for the liberals...first of all....GET OVER IT! I actually wish I had a dollar for every time a "liberal" person tells me "oh I would never read the Journal--it is too conservative". So not true. While the editorials certain are, the rest of the paper is mostly good solid reporting. Also if you circle to adjectives on the front page or hard news items of the NY Times and the WSJ, you can see how the editorial page has really bled all over the rest of the "Great Gray Lady".
But really, would you be better informed or be able to even argue against a position if you know what it is? So, if I have to read the NY Slimes and every other outlet with an axe to grind, well you should read everything too. And you should learn to get your own opinion. Half the time my entire town is merely quoting the op-ed pieces. Maybe they could learn to read both sides and be less sheep-like.
And as long as I am at it, why is the endless loop of sound bite better than hard copy? We have made all of the news and important events a lot less understood or "important" through the tv or sound bite electronic media. When there is more time there is more real REPORTING and INVESTIGATION, and there is real insight into things like the fall of Bear Stearns. Or world events. Or presidential elections and all the issues surrounding them.
And aside from the above, isn't it nicer to have the feel of the Wall Street Journal, or your paper of choice, between you hands? The smell of it, the feel of it. Hey, I almost don't mind the ink of it. Except in summer on my white pants. Unfortunately, they ruined the ability to fold it exactly in half lengthwise and read all of the columns on the train. (A trick my Dad taught me...passed down father to daughter). This was their "improvement". Oh well.
The quick hit is really soft --better to also read the hard copy.

Lions and Tigers and Flamingos--oh my!

Memorial Day weekend seems to be a time when some people go camping. My 17 year old son A decided that he and his friends wanted to go. He has a newly minted full driver's license and he and his friends expected to hit the road and travel far away into the woods. They settled on Ward Pound Ridge Reservation, a beautiful campsite--20 minutes away from home. Unfortunately, for them and us, they needed a 21 year old along or they couldn't get the campsite.

Would the Dads go for the father/son bonding experience? Of course not! It was moms to the rescue! Wives who go where "real men" fear to tread. The Dads stayed home to take the daughters (not in my case--only males in my house) to get a mani. Funny really. Mine wrangled a game of golf in my absence with son number two. Anyhow, the boys packed up and we did the food shopping. They set up the tents and they set up all the supplies and we ate, supervised the cooking and then crept into the tent and sleeping bags and fell fast asleep.

We awoke that night at 1:45 to the sounds of two animals viciously fighting. One of them was being clawed to death and was screaming for its life. Of course, we were in the tent between the forest and the campfire and the food had mistakenly been left out. My friend S and I were too chicken to consider even peering out of the tent. The animal came up to the tent and started trying to get in!!! Then we heard it thrashing around the campsite in the garbage and eating the rest of the Jiffy Pop that had been left out when 3 moms drink too much wine and leave the food out!! I guess we felt so close to suburbia that we did not believe anything could happen.

Meanwhile, one of the moms, fearless C, was brave enough to look out with a flash light to spy two beady eyes looking back at her. Must have been raccoons. I don't know if there could be any bears in the area though we do have coyotes.


So I called to my son in the other tent, no response. Then I called his cell...straight to voicemail. So the moms and I basically cracked each other up for the next hour or so about our near misses with the wild kingdom. S had to pee but didn't dare leave the tent! C told the story of how she is giving her time to the Bronx Zoo. (Oh, that is not it's current name--I forget what it is. Zoo is not PC and we all know I am JUST NOT THAT PC). She had a choice of the reptiles or birds. She chose birds. We figured it is the right choice, except after she told us that she was recently attacked by a male flamingo in mating season. He pecked at her arms so badly that her husband saw her in short sleeves and gasped. Anyhow, back in the tent we were laughing so hard and S still had to pee.

I decided since my lovely husband let me fend for myself I would call him up. He and I usually will wake each other up with a bad dream or whatever and go back to sleep but I admit, I didn't mind waking him after he left me to do the wild kingdom thing. He was hilarious on the phone, though both he and I do not remember too much about the conversation.

Eventually morning came and the boys wanted to cook their own breakfast so we left the wilderness and headed for the nearby town to avoid seeing people we know. You know, we actually looked pretty good for a bunch of ladies with dirty hair and no make up on. Of course, we did see someone we know....

So all in all, it was a great camping experience. I would do it again, if I could bring the more fearless moms with me, and maybe a couple of attack flamingos for good measure.

Keep your eyes on the road

and your hands upon the wheel. Who wrote that song? I have been humming it all day.
An apt song for the time. My eldest son has just gotten his adult driver's license. Now he can drive himself places, or he could, if we had a third car. He has been reminding us how convenient it would be if we only had another car.

So yesterday we started shopping for a car. Boy, did I feel old. It didn't help that the salesmen were all about 22. And the exchange went something like this:

The dealer had an earing, slick smile and perfectly waxed eyebrows and a smug look on his face as he said, "so Mom, what kind of vehicle do you want for him?"
And I replied, deadpan, "a tank".

Anyhow, we took a detour to a Volvo dealer who had some nice cars just off lease. Somehow I think they may be better than the thin metal cans that he could be hurtling in down the highway at top speeds. Well, they may be closer to a tank after all.

I did look up the song. It was written by the Doors. The rest of it goes like this:

Yeah I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
Well I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer,
Future's uncertain, and the end is always near.

Let it roll, baby roll.
Let it roll, baby roll.
Let it roll, baby roll.

Let it roll--- all night long.

I would like to know that the future for my precious son is certain and that the end is not near --but somehow--as the song remind us, this just isn't so.

The Eyes Have It

Something about the eye of a human or an animal is really special. Someone said that the eyes are "the windows of the soul". It does seem that way to me. I can usually look into someone's eyes and get a sense of who they are. Are they wary, or open? Are they warm or cold, dead eyes? As a headhunter the eyes call tell you a lot. Very few people can make direct and steady eye contact when they are lying. Many people can't make eye contact at all. Sometimes this is a telling part of their temperament. It affects the jobs they take and the type of environment they like to be part of.

In any case, the eyes are a window in and a window out. One of the worst things imaginable to me would be to be rendered blind. I hope that never happens to me or to any one that I love. I love to see the light in the morning and to see nature's beauty. I can not imagine a life dimmed without sight.

Today, my son B was playing outside and let his baseball bat slip out of his hands. As luck would have it, our beautiful chocolate lab was standing not far away and got hit in the eye by the bat. It was horrible. My amazing husband rushed him to the vet and we had to stay behind because our son has a project due and had a friend on his way over to do it. Luckily, our dog will need only some stitches to his eyelid tomorrow morning, from a dog opthamologist. Personally, I think there may still be something wrong with his eye. I am still worried but I can't let my sons know. They would be heart broken.

This dog has the most beautiful eyes. They are the color of mink with a yellowish tinge. They were part of how we chose him as a pup. They show such emotion. You can tell when he is tired or happy. We love this dog and hope he lives a long and happy life, with both of his beautiful eyes.

Boys and fire trucks

Did you ever notice how some boys gravitate towards fire trucks? Deep in my memory banks I thought about the fire chief I spoke to back in 1995 about a birthday party for my son A. He loved firetrucks so I convinced the then-Chief DR to let us make a donation to the Fire Department and, in turn, the kids got to climb on a real fire truck and meet the real firemen. I painted the heavy red plastic fire hats with their names. We played "put the dot on the dalmatian". (My version of a weird pin the tail on the donkey) and we played red light, green light and other games that no one from this century knows, so it was all new to them. We also made a huge fire engine cake. The cake was easy--4 boxes of Duncan Hines in a big throw away turkey roasting pan or two. You make the cake and put it on a board covered in tin foil and cut to the shape of a truck and frost it. Problem is, you can not make red icing. Think about it. Red dye and white icing = pink. And boys are not into pink cakes. So I sent my dear husband to the supermarket to pick up that red sugar and we coated the pink cake with it. We sent many of those kids so high on sugar, I am not sure they came down. And the party was a big hit.

So why did I think of that today? Well I was talking to the fire commissioner, now an acquaintance from our temple board, and he had been that same chief! And the occasion was the inspection of the local Fire Department. I was there to see my now newly 17 year old son at his first inspection as a fire fighter. (They don't say fireman anymore.) He was so handsome in his uniform. Corny but true. I was so proud.

It is 2 days past his birthday and he made me drive him to the Department of Motor Vehicles, (there is another blog in that) to get his senior license. One good thing, now he can drive himself to the fires!

Resilience and Optimism

I read an excellent piece in the Wall Street Journal (click here). The other talks about "the unshakable belief some people have that they have what it takes to succeed. First described by Stanford University psychologist Albert Bandura in the 1970s, self-efficacy has become a key concept in educational circles, and is being applied to health care, management, sports and seemingly intractable social problems like AIDS in developing countries. It's also a hallmark of the "positive psychology" movement now sweeping the mental-health field, which focuses on developing character strengths rather than alleviating pathologies."

Basically it is the study of why certain people believe they will succeed against the odds. Why even in the face of failure do people continue to try. There are many examples in the article of people who failed and then went on to be great successes, many of them public figures or popular heroes.

I think many of us are "born optimists". We always try to find the positives. There are obviously people who are usually wringing their hands over things that are nominally upsetting. There are people who rejoice at other people's successes and want to revel in what is good in the world and others who are only looking for a pity party. They relate to others in terms of comparative frustration or sadness. Hey, all of us get pulled into that from time to time. I myself have been known to replay issues from one friend to the other gal pal to get a read on something bothering me or to get a sense of whether my personal barometer for things is off.

Most of the time though, I am happy. I look at the world of problems and believe there are solutions. My son is currently reading The Diary of Anne Frank and as most of you know, she includes in her diary her belief that most people are good. I agree.

Recently, I met the publisher of The Secret. She told us all how she wound up with this very successful book and while many of the other books she have published are not as successful, they all paved the way. The book itself is an interesting concept. A lot of it is supposed to be about having a positive attitude, almost to a crazy extreme. But I do think that having a positive outlook in life truly helps. If you believe you will achieve a goal, it is much more likely. (And hey aren't there enough other people to tell you why you might fail?)

Personally, I wouldn't really call it "self efficacy", I would simply call it resilience.

The definition of the word is interesting. It is about springing back, recovering, or resuming the original position after something has been bent or compressed. But in order to regain that strength, the will to persevere has to come from the innate believe that you already have "it".
Some people just have it and others can develop it or hone it. How?

Seek the positive! Look for happiness! Try to make others feel that way too--it will come back to you. Feed your soul!