Regulation, smegulation...or why Cox should be put in jail

What is the point of more regulations of hedge funds? Honestly? If we have Madoff fully regulated by the SEC who could and probably did walk in there to check them out and they still did NOTHING.
I happen to know a lot of families who have lost everything. They totally trusted Madoff. There was no reason not to because his returns were great for some many years. Many people invested in other funds of funds and may not even know that they have lost everything invested in that fund.
How is it the SEC is only now bringing an action when apparently there were articles pointing out red flags as long ago as 2001? See here and here.
What is the point of putting ourselves in the hands of government to protect us? They don't do it. Government and more, bigger government is not the answer. The legislators have no real clue what the unintended consequences are of what they do. For example, they put into effect a "marked to market" rule in order to avoid Enron from ever happening again. This was supremely stupid. Why? Because there were already laws in effect which dealt with fraud and regulation which could have and should have been applied to Enron to begin with.
Now we are stuck with a system which sometimes penalizes companies for very good investment which may be held for the long term. How do you explain it? What is the value of your home? Well for the last 10 years there was an average value BUT if you had to "mark it to market" for tomorrow and no one is buying, you will have to value it at zero.
Maybe I am wrong on this--but I don't think so.
This is close to home since I know a lot of people affected. I would hazard a guess that this will ripple through the entire Jewish Long Island population who has (had?!) a lot of money. Due to the fact that he knew many of his investors as contemporaries, many were just retired. They are totally hammered on this.
I wonder about his sons and daughter who were in the business. They had to know....

Blago Blagojevich

Wow! I really have to blog more often....IF ONLY YOU WOULD POST SO I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE? Or please pass along.

So if you are under a rock, you might not know about the wonderful Governor or Illinois, Blagojevich. He was standing up (?!) against big bad Bank of America, the evil doer, for not being willing to make a loan or two. Let's see, extending credit for only political reasons instead of sound lending policies, hmmmm could that be part of why we are in this mess? He said something about.....banning that Bank from business with the State of Illinois. Well I read this and thought--here is another politician with no idea how business should work, affecting the business dealings in his state in an awful way. Barney Frank, step aside--or at least move over an inch or two from the center of the cameras.

Now today, bless them, the FBI finally goes through and arrests him as part of a sting operation. Take a peek. You can't make this stuff up.

If you look at Michele Malkin, she has a charming piece about his wife too.

Now if only someone was watching the dunderheads in DC. You know, the ones who took money from Countrywide, from Fannie and Freddie. The one who didn't pay his taxes though he chaired the committee.

I promise to provide links to those of you who aren't up on your political knowledge the way you should be.

Grateful

What are you grateful for?
On Fridays I go to the gym at 7:30 and try to work off the calories and stress of the week. I plug into my computer and get to work by 8:45 or 9 or so and the craziness begins. I was leaving the gym today and the manager was at the desk and the person who should have been there was 10 minutes late. How in this economy can someone be so oblivious?
What about the employee who comes in late? The one who actually calls and says, my alarm clock didn't go off. Or they look like a wreck because they were clearly out partying the night before? What about the "bad seed" who is constantly carping about management or who stabs their co workers in the back?
I want to let everyone know that if some has a job and is not appreciative of it, they better find that appreciation fast. If you hear any friends whining about bonuses, or lack of raises, and you like them, please make sure they stop.

Yesterday we heard of over 1000 people laid off from MTV (unconfirmed), Citigroup did its eighth round this week (that we know of), several law firms are laying off hundreds of attorneys, JP Morgan Chase is about to announce layoffs and we think there are more to come at Goldman. Many of our friends with two kids in college paying full boat have lost jobs with few prospects in sight. This is not looking pretty.

Today we learned of another huge law firm that is in a quick death spiral. Their head of the firm was arrested. Not only that but they lived on leverage and didn't have the credit line to pay their partners and associates. When you can get a job, glamor matters so much less that honesty and integrity. The type of people you work with matters most.

Since I am basically an optimist, I have to say that there will be opportunities galore on the other side of this. Look forward don’t look back. We have some money in our pockets. We have our health. No honest job is too small, and no one should be afraid to reinvent themselves right now. Hang in and whenever possible, give someone a boost.

Say it ain't so

I get these alerts from various news organizations, and I generally read the WSJ so I will link here to the news that some brilliant folks have just determined that we have been in a recession since December of 2007. YES--I said 2007. This was determined by the National Bureau of Economic Research. This is a private nonprofit economic research think tank. They apparently house many Nobel winners in economics. I guess these are the guys to go to if you want to be absolutely, positively sure.....

Meanwhile, more Obama announcements and Hillary to boot! Market is down so far, big! I guess the news of Hillary's appointment did not make the markets less jittery, though, to be fair it really does seem that the markets have a lot of distortion in them right now.

I was away in the deep South this weekend and didn't follow the TV coverage of the terrorism in India. The stories I did read had one theme that we should all note. None of the private security in the big hotels in India can get pistol permits. The police also do not carry firearms. There were reports that the police in the train station ran away. Wouldn't you? So, in the face of terrorists armed with weapons, the gentle population had nothing to fight back with. What can we learn from this? In NYC we all know it will happen again. What happened to the nice guys with automatic weapons that used to be stationed in Grand Central?

If a bunch of gunman start storming parts of NYC and the police are not around, what would you do?

Thanks a Billion

First, to my loyal readers (ahem), if I have any besides the couple that post, just click below and let me know you have been here. I promise to start writing more! Also, you can send the blog to anyone you think would appreciate a more red to purple column.

Which brings me to the idea that labels stink. What does a Republican mean? Well, if you look at George Bush we have a Republican who believes in BIG government, BIG debt and BIG health care reform (see the Medicare/Medicaid Act) and BIG nationalization of banks. I just don't know that party distinctions currently make much sense. Bush is looking very Blue to me these days.

When reruns of West Wing are so close to the last election that you could have predicted who would win--I really started thinking about this. In the last season there is a character, Arnie Vinick who is running as a fiscally conservative Republican against a minority candidate, Santos. Santos is Hispanic. The Republican Committee is trying to force Vinick to play to the "base" (i.e. the "religious right") by talking more about "values" and gay marriage etc. So what happens? He loses. Why? Because the moderates are not necessarily conservative on the "values" issues. They want to know that they will have money in the bank, they will be protected from tyrants and terrorists and they believe in democracy--which to them means freedom. This includes the freedom to make many choices in their lives.

So---by choosing Palin (and trust me I don't have anything against her) McCain played to the "base". They may have come out in stronger force to vote BUT he lost the moderates. Palin may not even have been so terrible for the moderates. She didn't push her religious views on her state and in interviews with the LA Times before her run, she said she believed in sex ed in schools etc. Seems more reasonable than portrayed, but I digress. What Republicans should stand for is freedom. Relatively free markets, freedom from tyranny and terrorism. Freedom of religion for all. (Happy Chrismahanawanza!)

So I did ask one of my commuter buddies if his brother, Aaron Sorkin, actually wrote Obama's acceptance speech. It just seemed so "West Wing" to me. The answer was no ....but he did help with parts of the speech to the Democratic Convention. I KNEW IT. How is it that those West Wing guys were predicting the future?

Last thought for the day before Thanksgiving, how do we give thanks? Well, as I was attempting to extract some cash from a machine at Citibank the screen actually said "Have a nice day and thanks a million!" Maybe that should have read "a billion" ....or maybe 25 billion.....or maybe 45 billion....or maybe....

Are we listening now?

Peter Schiff and Laffer discuss our economy a long time ago.

WATCH THIS!!!

Feels like Ground Hog Day

It feels a little like ground hog day doesn't it?
What happened to a vote for Obama is "new" change in Washington? Hate to say I told you so, but.....

Eric Holder, who likely will be the next Attorney General. Who is he? Why he is the same person who urged President Bill Clinton to pardon Mark Rich. This was one of the worst decisions of Clinton's career. He was the Deputy AG under Janet Reno and assisted with lots of great decisions by her. He was most recently the author of the Amicus brief for continuation of the hand gun ban in DC which the US Supreme Court luckily did not agree with. He has famously pronounced that the Second Amendment does allow individuals to have the right to have guns for their personal use. (To my friends who do not understand why this upsets me, maybe you will understand that someone who can invent something so ridiculous because it is patently untrue and completely historically inaccurate will also apply those kinds of theories to other parts of the Constitution.)
Oh, and he was also opposed to the US Patriot Act. Another brilliant move considering that we are very likely to be sitting ducks in the near future.

And Tom Daschle, famous in history for losing an election for his Senate seat even though he was the Senate minority leader....yes he was that bad. I am not sure what his credentials are for Health and Human Services Czar other than the fact that he has been a lobbyist for various drug companies and health care companies recently.

And Ram Emanuel. Well maybe his elbows will be sharp enough to manage to keep Pelosi and Reid from running everything, but I doubt it.

I just wonder, how it is that appointing all of Clinton's men is "change". He may even appoint a Clinton herself!!

Old Product, New Time

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a large community of people who made a technological gadget that persuaded forward motion so that a type of "engine" gave a certain amount of horse power and vehicles could move forward at a good pace. This community of workers included design elements, production, manufacturing and advertising as well as dealers who sold the goods. They were ahead of their time and they had a great product. There were people who made fortunes at the top of their field. Every household needed at least one and it seemed very recession proof.

There was an entire city of people devoted to this effort and other businesses grew up around it to support the workers and salesmen and manufacturing plants. After a while, new technology was developed and the community elected to continue making the products they always had, rather than turning everything upside down and embarking on newer methods that would only dilute their efforts.

As newer technology developed more and more workers were put out of business. The paternalistic community had always cared for its' workers. In fact, even when workers were not required, they were paid some money so that they would be available if ever needed again.

So what happened? Well, they made the wrong bet. There was an entire industry of people who made these products and the new technology overshadowed and overtook their business. Would you have invested in it to keep it alive? Should our government have given them money to keep their workers employed? Even though no one wanted their products?

Who were these people and what happened? Well there is a very small market for buggy whip manufacturers today. I am sure they never really believed that cars would completely replace horses and oxen. This had been the main source of transportation and power for agriculture for centuries. Is GM and its' business model really that different? What will ultimately happen if we sink 50 Billion into a dying business model? A Job Bank model where most of those paid are not working? Wouldn't some of them have left to find their fortune elsewhere?

The End of a Platinum Era

I definitely believe that we are at the end of a golden age, make that the Platinum Age. One where platinum began to replace gold and brown and robin's egg blue became the fashion instead of the preppy green and pink. There are a certain type of "elites" on Wall Street who believed the party would never end. And yet they voted for the end, by electing officials who will radically change our way of capitalist society. By electing the folks who did not utilize the regulations that were already in place. By the unsettling Paulson who swings the world this way and that, with only a "TARP" to try and cover things up. How about accountability? How about taking your lumps for a bad bet?
Anyhow, I really enjoyed the article I read by Michael Lewis and recommend it to you all. Here it is. He describes what happened, in layman's terms, in the securitization markets. He neglects to include the "bad actors" in our government. The thing that everyone must understand is the huge conflict of interest for the rating agencies. They had to rate the products of the banks who paid them. The same banks paying them to make sure insurance companies and pension funds could by them. I think that the statues Congress crafted insisted there would only be rated by Moody's, S & P and Fitch. A monopoly of sorts. Adding fuel to the fire were the Barney Frank's of the world who insisted mortgages be given to folks who couldn't pay them back--for political gain.

Anyway, enough ranting. And read. I will give you all my sources for my rant later. No time now. Still trying to figure out how on earth to make a living AND pay the 69% tax rate I will have as a small NYC business owner under Obama. Let's pray for him. He is all we have. And I personally hope he is the Messiah after all.

I can see

Why is it I feel like I am the only one with my glasses on right now? Why is it that it all seems so in focus to me and I just don't get why the rest of our country doesn't get it.

It is like very few people at the parade are willing to acknowledge that the emperor has no clothes.

A New Day in America

I got on the train today and my demo friends all were trying to be respectful. Their attempts not to "gloat" were funny really. This election was such an upset that it is an absolute clear mandate of what Americans want.

So, how can those of us in the minority face a new day in America? We can pray that Obama is wise and is safe. We can pray he will do what Bush did, and work to achieve the opposite of most of what he ran on. We can hope that the US can now get back to the business of doing business.

What can we do as individuals? That I haven't figured out yet. Try and make money and save as much as possible. Buy less because our taxes are most assuredly rising. Fight for capitalism. Avoid relying on a Republican Party that is so out of touch and so incapable of framing any debate that it takes Joe the Plumber to show them the way.

Listen to the candidates

When you stop to listen to what the candidates themselves are actually saying, have been saying, the differences are starkly clear.
If you agree with it--vote this way. But, really? Watch it and think.
This is something I found on the web.

What goes down....

Must go up? We are on an economic see saw. Each day we see a few more participants fall off the teeter totter. But, we are healthy and relatively happy. And most of us are not directly affected, yet.

My friend K just lost her job. She was the breadwinner in her family and is VERY worried. I tried to give her some ideas. This really stinks. They fired the three women. She is a finance chick and very bright and actually was "flat" for the year in her investments which in real life means she was WAAAAY ahead and yet they fired her. Unbelieveable.

I wonder if more women get the axe than men.

Economic Depression

I have totally taken a hiatus from writing. I think I was suffering from a kind of depression. since I last wrote the wheels have almost literally come off the bus. The bus is still moving forward, but very slowly. Both presidential candidates do not see the bus so they can't really describe the way to halt the inevitable accident. If anything, they just want to add more gas to the tank.

And why is gas still so much, speaking of which???? Use the gas prices section of Mapquest.com if you want to save some green.

Anyhow, I hear the communist party of NYC is celebrating. They think this is a turnaround for their political beliefs. With the taxes being proposed and the wealth distribution to follow, they may not be wrong.

Consider This

There were two excellent op eds in the Wall Street Journal yesterday, and just in case you didn't see them. I am linking them here. The first one I read explains alot about how our lovely state, and maybe yours, can not be bothered to balance a budget. All of this is very relevant to today when we know we all will have a challenge ahead of us. Our economy is officially in a tail spin. If we want to pull it back to fly straight and level, we better think of why--during the biggest period of growth and higher revenues we couldn't manage. Our budgets for the State will most certainly be less for a while.

This article lays out the difference between real policy differences related to Obama's plan for our economy. It is an extremely important read, and even if you ascribe to a different political view, the facts speak for themselves.

So, as I talk to all the women of my town who keep crowing about Palin and anti choice, I keep saying there is a million to one shot that she can affect any change on that front, but a much greater chance that Obama on the top of the ticket, could wreak major economic havoc and it may be a tough blow from which to recover.

Political Leper

I was waiting on the train platform this morning with a friend who is a die hard democrat and another person (who I recognized from spin class) came up and started trash talking Palin. My friend shushed her and told her in a loud whisper "they are for the other side". The music almost played behind her....duh duh daaahhhh. The woman looked at me like I had three heads and then said, "You are kidding! FOR Palin?" All of this and I hadn't said a word yet.

She walked on the train with M and I and quickly hurried away. "I just can't talk politics with....it is just to anxiety provoking for me". I turned to M and said, "this is a tough time to live in this town for me". She asked what I meant and I told her, "look, you introduced me as a Palin supporter(which I am not yet certain of by the way--we don't know enough yet before she talks to the press) and she immediately started talking about politics, did not hear a word from me and stalked off." M said, but she had to work. After a sidelong glance, she had to agree. and to her credit she apologized. What for? For putting me in that position, for putting me in a box etc.

She still didn't quite understand though. She gave me a Anna Quindlen article to read and when I told her what I thought, she said "we can't talk politics". I said she can not give me something to read, ask my opinion and then tell me she doesn't want to talk about it. I think she gets it now.*

It is always so interesting to me that people really want to dare you to tell them what you think, but they don't want to listen or even hear what you have to say if you don't agree.

*Here is an email she just sent me. She is a lovely person and, while we do not agree, I totally respect her.
Dear ____, I want to apologize for the way I introduced you to Robin this morning, it was totally in appropriate.
My consciousness was raised today, I am sorry that it was at your expense.

Disgusted by the Democrat Spam Machine

OK. I have been waiting on my rants about the elections. But I must say I am completely disgusted. Why does everyone in my town believe that anyone supporting McCain or Palin is a complete moron? Why do they believe they are the only ones "in the know" and they need to "save" the rest of the country? Plus all of my overeducated, over indulged, over media hyped friends honestly believe everything they read on the internet. I actually got an email from someone yesterday, ASKING FOR A BUSINESS REFERRAL, who then started bashing Palin in the email and calling her a bimbo. Give me a break. It was so completely unprofessional and sent to a large group of people. (And she knows I wouldn't necessarily agree!) I was soooo tempted to write back that bimbos in glass houses....

Now, I am a reasonable person and I am always up for hearing a different opinion from someone who actually bothers to read the paper, who might care about the actual facts. This is going to be one white hot election and it is important to consider all the issues.

It is also important to consider both parts ot the ticket--and while the media blitz is currently focused on Palin, I am wondering who is noticing Lehman sinking fast, the dollar, our economy...hello? Who is going to be ready to talk to Putin? Who is going to defend our country?

I am pro choice--which does not mean I am not "pro life" but it does mean I am for the death penalty, for euthanasia, and for abortion in the first trimester and maybe after. I had to have one at 14 or so weeks. It stinks but when you know the fetus you are carrying is not likely to be viable, or if it is, will have no real kind of life--well it should be a free decision in our free society. I also know that Roe v. Wade was a decision pulled out of a paper bag. (If you really read the dissent, it becomes pretty clear.) Being a former lawyer, most people who know "Con Law" all know that the Right to Privacy is not really explicitly stated in the Constitution. Personally, I would like to see an amendment to preserve this right...but barring that....if gosh forbid Roe v. Wade is ever overturned, well it will be up to the states. Anyhow, the odds of all this happening are slim. And the decision of a VP is not going to affect it much.


Here is the copy of an email I got yesterday from the all knowing women of my community.

"To be neutral, to be passive in a situation is to collaborate with whatever is going on" Howard Zinn We are writing to you because of the fury and dread we have felt since the announcement of Sarah Palin as the Vice-Presidential candidate for the Republican Party. We believe that this terrible decision has surpassed mere partisanship, and that it is a dangerous farce on the part of a pandering and rudderless Presidential candidate that has a real possibility of becoming fact. Perhaps like us, as American women, you share the fear of what Ms. Palin and her professed beliefs and proven record could lead to for ourselves and for our present or future daughters. To date, she is against sex education, birth control, the pro-choice platform, environmental protection, alternative energy development, freedom of speech (as mayor she wanted to ban books and attempted to fire the librarian who stood against her), gun control, the separation of church and state, and polar bears. To say nothing of her complete lack of real preparation to become the second-most-powerful person on the planet. We want to clarify that we are not against Sarah Palin as a woman, a mother, or, for that matter, a parent of a pregnant teenager, but solely as a rash, incompetent, and all together devastating choice for Vice President. Ms. Palin's political views are in every way a slap in the face to the accomplishments that our mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers so fiercely fought for, and that we've so demonstrably benefited from. First and foremost, Ms. Palin does not represent us. She does not demonstrate or uphold our interests as American women. It is presumed that the inclusion of a woman on the Republican ticket could win over women voters. We want to disagree, publicly. Well, alrighty then! Maybe you want to check things out yourselves! Even CNN, not a bastion of conservatism, had a huge chunk of time devoted to how ridiculous some of these claims are. And it makes it tougher to sort through what people have actually said and done. Someone I know forwarded me an LA Times article stating Palin is for sex ed and teaching about condoms along side abstinence....but I think I will check it out for myself. Stay tuned!

School crossing

So school starts tomorrow and I find I am extremely depressed. I think that all of the last 15 years of my older son's life I waited with apprehension and excitement as he got ready to leave me and now I know that this is the last year he will "leave me" his first day but will return home.

When I mention this to him, he smiles that damn beautiful broad smile of his (hey--we paid for the orthodontist big time) and I know he is happy. He says, "mom you are just getting old". Zing. Thanks kid. He is happy to be getting ready to take flight. And that is how it should be but still....

And the younger one is nervous. Mostly because he knows that all eyes will soon be turned on him.
Truly, it is a wonderful time of year. The smell of newly sharpened pencils and fresh notebooks with blank pages filled with promise.

This year both will be in the same school. We have two in High School. Unbelievable.....As a headhunter, I see all kinds of people who really think that life is set in High School. Or College, or grad school. They think they know what they will become but I kind of like the words to the John Mayer song, so read and think.

Welcome to the real world
She said to me kind of condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
Id like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
Faded white hats grabbing the credits and making transfers
They read all the books but they cant find the answers
And all of our parents, theyre getting older
I wonder if theyve wished for anything better
While in their memories, tiny tragedies

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as Im alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I just cant wait till my ten year reunion
Im gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

Essay on My Parents

I finally got a peek at what my older son is writing for his college essays. Imagine my surprise when the college of choice asked, "What is the best piece of advice you have ever received and why?" and found that he quoted his parents!!! So interesting to see what sinks in.

His take was that we told him to face his fears. He wrote about hiking and climbing in the mountains and how frightened of heights he actually is. This was shocking to me. The boy that rappels and climbs up sheer faces of rocks, jumps off cliffs on skis etc. is actually afraid! Nice to know we had that impact and that he enjoyed so much of what he has. He almost summited Ranier last summer but the weather--major winds--deterred their ascend. He would have missed his chance in the clouds but actually took our advice!!!!

So what would your quote be?

Who Am I?

Recently, my friend M wanted to see my blog. I am not sure how I feel about this. Is it better to have more readers who know you? Or does that cause you to censor yourself?

I am thinking that maybe I would be softer in my approach or decide not to write about certain subjects if I know that I will be judged by people who know me. There is something about anonymity that is appealing.

But then again, none of us are truly anonymous. In fact, everywhere you have been on the web, any purchases you make, heck your location via cell phone or pda are probably all known. It would be pretty easy to track us down and take inventory of what we purchase and like.

We were away on vacation in Santa Barbara with a rowdy bunch of families. I say rowdy because most of the Moms were 24/7 working moms, the kind who are told they don't have a "career" (HA!), the kind who kill themselves for their kids. They had counselors for all the kids, all ages at this place we stayed. I am telling you, it was like sailors on shore leave. Anyhow, one of the moms was telling us a hilarious story about the "rabbit" or the "wild monkey" toy for adults that her niece had discovered, by accident, in her closet. She recommended it. Imagine someone tracking that purchase.

My friend's son bought porn on the On Demand feature on his TV not realizing, (very young), that his parents would know the title of his purchase.


All of these things, now are public. Anonymity might be a good thing.

Where/when would you most want to be anonymous?

Pan Am, Makes the Going Great

Who remembers that jingle from a long ago airline? Travel by air for the masses was relatively new. I loved that simple tune accompanied by a simple slogan that suggested goin' could be great.

I remember the first time I flew on a plane. I think I was around 9 and my parents took me with them on an industry convention. I think it was to Dallas, then a young city in terms of its development. It was around 1969 and I was not completely oblivious to the "summer of love" and all the change going on around us. I knew that I no longer had to wear the white gloves that we used to wear to the City when we visited Daddy's office. I saw the kids with longer hair and even at nine, we knew about the War, protests and drugs. I think that there was so much change about to happen and so much hate. People protesting war would soon be setting off bombs in banks in NYC, and kidnapping wealthy kids like Patti Hearst. NYC was in decline and I remember being in a cab with my Dad who felt it necessary to tell the cabbie to detour around Times Square because. a young girl shouldn't see the hookers, trannies and creepy men in the big adult sex porn cesspool that was so pungent at that time in our city.

But travel was still new and exciting to me and many others in the middle class. (This was far before kids doing summers in places as far flung as Bolivia or painting houses in Costa Rica to gain "life experience" they might write about on a college application). We even got Pan Am bags which we proudly saved and used with the emblem on the side. Men wore jackets and we wore dresses to fly on a plain. The stewardesses were beautiful, thin and wore cute tight uniforms. It was one of the few careers a woman could have, besides teacher, nurse or secretary.

I guess I am nostalgic today. I am watching a TV show on AMC which is SO AMAZING that it really has me thinking (yes you read that right) called Madmen about the Ad men on Madison avenue circa 1960. I highly recommend you get the first season via netflix. The writers of this show have subtly woven in the past and how it references to the future. Nostalgia is an important theme in the show and how ads can make you feel, how they take you to another place or person in order to sell. It brings up such interesting ideas about how our pasts are forever imprinted on our psyche. How do our experiences and memories, true or embellished, make us who we are?

So I am rushing this blog because at this very moment - am seated on a plane about to take off --from, of all places, Dallas. As I was thinking about what I wanted to write, my hair stood on end, I am in Dallas, where I first flew to and where I now fly from, to meet my youngest sister and her family in California. We now hop scotch across the country in a way we never did.

So much has changed that it is hard to recognize who and where we are...until you look for the subtle clues which point to the core of what remains the same. How am I different from that nine year old girl, filled with wonder? And how am I the same? It would be hard to recapture the innocence of those early days in the Sixties. I guess realizing I am in Dallas writing this means it would be impossible to recapture my own innocence too.

Naked under our towels

OK. So I read my shorts remarks to a colleague at work about our candidate going to the circus. He replied that he didn't think it was really that funny....not as funny as when we were all naked (with robes on) together at a spa.

He is right. In 2005 we had a great year and thinking it would be a great "Thanksgiving" surprise to our employees, we took them all to a very high end NYC spa in November. We told them the day before and we all went and got a choice of massage or facials. We then met in our robes in the "relaxation room" and drank champagne with raspberries in it. Then we took them out to dinner.

The spa is Cornelia and it is very upscale and has really wonderful service. In the locker rooms we all were in various states of undress (ok maybe a bit weird for me as the much larger older boss) but the women in my office were non-plussed. they showed off their tatoos and piercings. I was thinking it might really be too much information.

Then we met up with the guys later after the "services". It was really nice. And wearing nothing but a towel is pretty leveling. So maybe our brand of "team building" or bonding was even wackier than the circus. Or maybe it was just a nice thanks and pat on the back.

Join the Circus

I keep meaning to write so if you check my blog, read backwards...for I am writing about the past few days and will post backwards.
Today we took a candidate out to celebrate. He is a quiet intelligent fellow who landed a position with our help at the top investment bank. He will be a lawyer doing a non legal job. He is really nice and was telling us that though he starts on a Monday, he was offered the chance to join them for a team building exercise. So what does a top bank do for team building? Do they go to climb a mountain? Do they attend a workshop? Outward Bound? Nope. They run away and join the circus, natch!
I wondered aloud what he would do and he deadpans, "I don't know but I was told to bring shorts". It is quite a way to meet ones co-workers!
They will be doing circusy things. So I ask you as I asked him, what do you choose? Trapeze or clowning?

How old are you now?

My birthday. Someone asked me if I would keep my years a secret.

I do have two friends who positively refuse to let anyone know their birthday. I guess they feel that they will feel uncomfortable around people who are younger or will be put away on a shelf if they are too "old". One of them has different ages on everything. On her license, children's forms etc. It is so bad that she even lied on the insurance forms. Her husband says if she dies first he may get nothing. I mean, if you say Happy Birthday, she gets hysterical.

I think that age is a state of mind. Plus I wouldn't really wish away time--it is so precious.

Having said that, I am not beyond counting backwards....

One of the most interesting cards I saw asked, "If you didn't know the year you were born, what age would you be?"

Fourth of July

Well it has been another wonderful summer weekend. We went on our friend's boat on the Hudson, up the mighty river to see fireworks put on by various towns. They were so grand, one wonders if they will have enough left over for snow removal this year.

The next day we cycled 30 miles for charity. We left from a beautiful farm in Dutchess County and then rode through Stamfordville, Amenia etc. It was great except for one fellow who careened down a hill so fast he fell and took out a sign. Except for his bike shorts which disintegrated upon impact, and his bike seat, he walked away. It was miraculous. We finished off the event with a lovely luncheon in their barn.

The charity was for lung cancer in honor of a woman who died two years ago who used to ride with us. Lucky for me the local bike shop came to support the riders because I busted my front derailer and S had a flat. Usually we ride about 25 miles and would have really been stuck.

That night we headed to a country club display which was amazing. It was a great party and then fireworks!!! Yesterday we worked out and then went out to dinner with friends at a restaurant on the water in Westport.
Today we played 18 holes of golf with a friend N, and took our son out to dinner.
The only problem with having this much fun is I don't feel like going to work tomorrow!!!

Back of the Bus

Here is a draft of something I was thinking of sending to our local paper...but do I dare?

Dear Parents,

I am the mother of two sons who will now both be attending the High School next year. As young children in the District, my kids first went to RBSl on the “chicken bus”, the small cute bus reserved for the then smaller group of kindergartners who came home half way through the school day. Once the District moved to full day kindergarten and our kids grew older they still took the large bus to elementary school. My older son, and middle schooler took the bus to X School. When he went to High School there was no question that he would get up a bit earlier and take the bus to school.

When I mentioned this fact to another group of mothers in our town, I was met with cries of dismay. How could I allow my son to get up so early? (All of another 15 minutes or so). Another mother actually said to me, “you would let your son take the ‘loser cruiser’”. Her thinking was that he would be deemed “uncool” by the other kids and parents. But also, it is pretty shocking an adult would speak that way. I also noticed that my younger son’s middle school classmates also had a regular chauffeur (parent) drive them to their school.

It is a wonder to me that so many self professed environmentalists, philanthropists and global warming believers still insist on driving their children to school in our community. There are a million excuses for this, from getting up too early, having to wait in the dark in winter at a cold bus stop, inconvenience, to being “uncool”. I think that with all that we need to protect in our world, to say nothing of the traffic, danger, pollution and entitled attitudes that are promoted by this behavior---this simply has to stop.

This year I was driving one son to the Doctor for an appointment and picked him up at the High School at dismissal. I was shocked by the inability to leave the parking lot. The young drivers were pretty polite and drove well. The parents, well that was another story. Aside from the cell phones in hand, several waited on the road just outside the school on the right side in a lane of traffic. They had “outsmarted” the rest of the group, or at least that is the attitude, waiting for children outside the traffic and causing them to walk from the buildings IN FRONT of all the cars and blocking all traffic from leaving the High School. The attitude is Me first. I am more important. I have outsmarted the dolts who follow the rules. (I don’t know that that is worse than the mothers who routinely parked in the handicapped parking outside RBS. When other moms with handicapped children in wheelchairs asked them to move the answer was huffily, “I will only be a minute.”) It would be very easy to figure out the statistics of how many cars are not those of the seniors getting to school. All one would have to do it count the endless parade of cars leaving the school, and the parents in them.

So, at the risk of being a “dolt who follows the rules” or a “loser cruiser,” I would encourage other parents in our town to get some manners, or a conscience. Save the environment, one car or car pool at a time. Save our children from danger. Save time. Put your child’s commute where your mouth is….

Novel ideas

Well, we have been very busy at work. A good thing if your business is tied to employment figures which for most industries is going down. I haven't written in a long time and decided that even if I need to post something short to be in the regular rhythm again, I would do it.

My friends know that I have always dreamt of writing a book. I don't know why. Maybe I just love the "stories" of other people. I was always the kid quizzing the adults on their "love story" of how they met. The only one of my friends who surpasses me in constantly asking questions is my friend T the crackerjack journalist.

I thought that maybe I could write a book based on the stories I have from "head hunting". It could be sad and hilarious. Yesterday something happened which made me think about it again.

About two weeks ago we had a candidate who interviewed with a major financial institution. she was very excited to get the interview. It meant more money, more power in the future and any number of things that would help her. She was on her way to the interview on the subway and ran up the stairs and did something to her foot. I think she tripped on a curb. She went on to interview anyhow and though her foot was throbbing, hobbled into the interview late. the client thought it was a bit strange and wasn't clear on why she was late--but it went ok. She did not land the job and headed back overseas to her position.

Well we just got an email from her in her new job. Not from our client, they didn't hire her. She mentioned something about crutches and then we found out. She had broken four (!!!!) bones in her foot and wound up in a cast.

She almost "broke her neck" trying to get to the interview. It is lucky she only broke her foot.

True story.

Middle School Graduation

Well, Barack Obama does have something right. You are supposed to graduate from 8th grade. At a minimum.

I honestly think it is a lot of hullabaloo to do a whole big graduation thing for middle school, but hey, just call me Grinch. Our younger son B just "graduated". They had a whole big ceremony complete with performances by the band, orchestra and even a phenomenal band call the Riddles.
There was a 13 year old who wrote lyrics and music to an unbelieveable song called "At the End of the Path" which, quite frankly, blows a lot of "commercial music" currently on the radio out of the water. It was amazing to see him perform and he had three other friends doing bass, electric guitar, lead guitar and drums. It was also adapted for the orchestra and band and they backed him up.

There were also speeches. One of the girls is the daughter of someone I used to be very friendly with when we first moved to town. We had a sort of falling out when she planned her son's birthday party on the same date and time as mine when she knew about it. (ps it wasn't even his birthday and she also stole the idea for the theme of it--remember the fire engine party?). She is part of the PTA mafia. We are friendly enough but I steer away from most of those "mavens," not having the girl handbook and all. Her daughter is an exquisitely beautiful and poised speaker. The other girl who spoke was very funny and cute. The other male speaker was a boy who was the GO president who talked about working for the communal good. called all of the students "comrades" several times and must have pulled out the thesaurus. My son said he is very smart. Not true, because much of what he said was an inappropriate usage of the language, but I guess it passes with most 13-14 year olds. The parents smiled and there was a lot of eye rolling.

Anyhow, it was pretty nice. I just think that instead of celebrating the kids, maybe we should have celebrated the teachers?

Rhythm

I lost the beat there for a while and stopped writing. I guess I thought no one out there is reading because no one EVER POSTS! All you have to do is hit the post button guys! Anyhow, one of my fab friends SP, mentioned the blog to our cantor. I suppose I don't mind if she reads my post about my "fight" with the Rabbi. HMMMM. Could be funny.

Anyhow, speaking of rhythm I actually got to dance today. And with my older son, who is the shyest member of our family. He looked so handsome and he actually danced with me! I can't believe it. My youngest is usually more of the dancer.

Back at the Bat Mitzvah I was thinking about all the big celebrations of our lives, of Shabbat, that every week we mark time. the rhythms of waking and praying, of celebrating birth (of my new grand niece Victoria), coming of age (the Bat Mitzvah), marriage (my parents 50th anniversary), death (m's grand mom) and all the other circle of life kind of things. Hey graduations is this weekend too. Some happy, some sad. All part of the rhythm of our lives. Corny but true.

The Girl Handbook

Last night my husband and I went out with very dear true friends, lets call them Tax Babe and Legal Eagle. (D does that suit you?) Anyhow, they are the kind of friends you don't see every day but you know they are there, and will be there. Tax babe is my touchstone. She can put into words all the pithy, arch remarks that I am thinking without sounding obnoxious or snotty (like I would) and is so ....just on, you know? She is also like me in that she finds certain things and people ludicrous, hilarious. I usually fall into the same hearty laugh at the same time she does. We do not touch base everyday and I am grateful actually. First, it is so much fun to catch up when we do and second, I kind of suck at the girlfriend thing. I get distracted, or busy at work and I don't "check in". I have a couple of gal pals who have dropped me for this very reason. I can't say I didn't warn them. I am awful at remembering birthdays or at calling to check in. I have one friend so fixated on her child that she calls to constantly interpret what is going on for them socially. This is when you realize, high school never ended for some people. While I tried to remain friends, she really was into me "proving" myself and remembering her detailed conversations etc. I simply couldn't do it. It just wasn't healthy in my book. I finally realized that reciprocation in friendship with her would only mean trading miseries, and what kind of friendship is that? I don't want a seat at the pity party anymore. I want to celebrate happiness and life.

Then there are the girls who are totally insulted if you go out as couples without them...but they often go out without you and your husband and think nothing of it. They make a big to do about what parties they have been invited to, or what they are wearing or whatever. Part of plans with them is a contest to see who will arrive later. My husband and I started dinner once when the other two couples showed up over an hour late! There are some girls who are always late for everything. The message is, my time is more important than yours. But I am not buying.

In all these instances, I can be social. But these are not true friendships and over time you learn who is real and who will disappoint. I told Tax Babe this in one of our earliest conversations. I think she was kind of appalled but also took it as a challenge.

My point is this, I simply do not own the Girls Handbook. I never got it. On the day most Moms taught their daughters always to remember their friends birthdays, I was not around. When they passed on the secret handshake of confidence among women, the ability to pass gossip at will, to spin a conversation or to know how to always be "in style", I was not aware. Of course, my Mom is pretty much the same way. She is more of a "loner" among women. Interesting for a woman who went to Smith College. I was never in a sorority or a women's acapella group like my sisters. I enjoy the company of men and usually am talking with the boy groups at dinner parties. This is not to say I don't have women friends. I do--actually I guess I have a lot of what I would consider acquaintances. But I do believe that you only have a handful of "true friends", the kind you would put your life in danger to save.

We had a touch of that around 9/11. We had to think about who we would call to pick up our children when we were caught in NYC. I wondered who would even think about our kids, separated from their working mom in a crisis. We have a nanny and I knew they were safe, but it did cross my mind. Then there was the anthrax scare. (Don't you wonder about that one?) Anyhow, they said the drug Cipro would be the answer but it was hard to get. Of course all the Type A women in my town got prescriptions, "just in case" but two of my so-called friends got them and didn't tell anyone else when and where to get them. I hadn't even thought about it. Likewise my clueless friend T who said, don't worry about it. "If I get some you can have it, and if you get some you will share it too." And that was the birth of what my husband and I call the "Cipro friends" which is basically a true friend.

Anyway, back to Tax Babe and Legal Eagle. LE is so great at choosing restaurants that we always let him pick. He chose a great place in Tribecca called The Harrison. It is next to Tribecca Bar and Grill, or whatever it is called. It is fab. We were talking with TB and LE about how she had to take steroids for something and she felt she gained weight. He husband said, "you really can't tell honey because the top half of your body is fine, but you know, you always gain it on the bottom." Everything stopped, she looked at me and I looked at her and we both broke up laughing! How could he not have learned after 20 years of marriage not to break the cardinal rule of husband's ettiquette--"Honey you always look great!' "No, dear, you do not look fat it that dress!" "sweetie, did you lose weight?" Or run away! But never ever agree that your wife gained anything but a smile and a higher IQ! BTW, my perfect husband also made some similar remark later in the evening, pointing out that the Boys Handbook clearly states, never learn from the earlier gaffs of your brothers, brother.

Anyhow, I have a history with Tax Babe. She is the one I raced strollers downhill with in Central Park. She is the one that would roll her eyes the minute anyone said "Oh isn't he sweet!" And when she was pregnant, I fear for the person that reached out to touch her belly! She has mastered the art of how to do the most work in the least time at work. Someone asked her about her daughter at a Bar Mitzvah once....they were commenting on her beauty, and TB looked up sweetly and without any hint of sarcasm and said, "well yes, and we are hoping she will marry well."

I might not see her all the time, or even call her...for that matter. She was never in a sorority, and she really doesn't care to much to be in a group...nice but not essential is what I would imagine she would say. She is a loving friend, as is her lovely spouse. But she is like me. She never got the Girl Handbook either.

And Tax Babe...this only took about a half and hour, so relax!

Sex and the City

Well, I went. On Friday night. And I went with 15-20 women who I didn't know all that well. It was a hoot! I would have liked a couple of my other pals to go but they are too high brow and don't watch TV so Sex and the City would be lost on them. Oh well.

I was working all afternoon but played hooky to get some pink tissue paper in different shades to make a flower for each of the women. I had no idea how to make it so I looked it up on youtube. What a great invention! See here. I thought it would be funny to see the group from our town and plus we could identify each other in the crowd. Do you know people actually offered to pay me for the flowers??

The entire giant suburban theater was filled with women over 30 and most over 40. It was total girl power. There were only two men. I know this because my friend S. got their early to hold a place in line and we were almost the first ones in. My other friend SP. brought the Cosmos in Vitamin Water bottles. Very ingenious! We knew the movie was not oscar worthy and that wasn't the point. The clothes were great and the friendships were great.

We all went out afterwards to drink martinis and eat together and it was such fun. My friend C. go to come. She is a pal who was in my book group but we are both book group drop outs because the books were very serious and intense. I loved some of the books, but every single time? I was the one who recommended The Red Tent. It was like a comic book compared to the rest. Not that I didn't enjoy a lot of them. I never would have read through Blindness on my own. But for pete's sake, we couldn't even read anything off the Oprah book club list because it was deemed too commercial! We had a published writer, (actually two), a psychologist, a scientist, a recovering lawyer, and an industrial psychologist and fifty million degrees and a Rhodes Scholar, but we were too stupid to pick fun books once in a while. Though I do want to go back to the book club. I love the women in it..but I guess I needed a break.

And so, this is why we had to see Sex and the City the movie. Because it is stupid fun.
When the boys in Hollywood finally get it, they will realize it really doesn't take that much to please women. Less car chases and death, more happy endings. And with so many of us aging and earning, and by the way living longer than you do, you boys would do well to cater to us a little. Make the girls feel special. Your box office will be a lot richer...

Hard copy

The Wall Street Journal had an excellent three part series ( part 3 here) for the last three days on the sale of Bear Stearns. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in intrigue, drama and money. Many of my women friends, or my liberal friends, refuse to read this paper. I honestly have no idea why.
If you are women, why does that mean this newspaper should intimidate you? Honestly, it is really all gossip. Good gossip about families and finance. There are such fabulous stories of family intrigue, of vice and virtue, and of just plain silliness.
And as for the liberals...first of all....GET OVER IT! I actually wish I had a dollar for every time a "liberal" person tells me "oh I would never read the Journal--it is too conservative". So not true. While the editorials certain are, the rest of the paper is mostly good solid reporting. Also if you circle to adjectives on the front page or hard news items of the NY Times and the WSJ, you can see how the editorial page has really bled all over the rest of the "Great Gray Lady".
But really, would you be better informed or be able to even argue against a position if you know what it is? So, if I have to read the NY Slimes and every other outlet with an axe to grind, well you should read everything too. And you should learn to get your own opinion. Half the time my entire town is merely quoting the op-ed pieces. Maybe they could learn to read both sides and be less sheep-like.
And as long as I am at it, why is the endless loop of sound bite better than hard copy? We have made all of the news and important events a lot less understood or "important" through the tv or sound bite electronic media. When there is more time there is more real REPORTING and INVESTIGATION, and there is real insight into things like the fall of Bear Stearns. Or world events. Or presidential elections and all the issues surrounding them.
And aside from the above, isn't it nicer to have the feel of the Wall Street Journal, or your paper of choice, between you hands? The smell of it, the feel of it. Hey, I almost don't mind the ink of it. Except in summer on my white pants. Unfortunately, they ruined the ability to fold it exactly in half lengthwise and read all of the columns on the train. (A trick my Dad taught me...passed down father to daughter). This was their "improvement". Oh well.
The quick hit is really soft --better to also read the hard copy.

Lions and Tigers and Flamingos--oh my!

Memorial Day weekend seems to be a time when some people go camping. My 17 year old son A decided that he and his friends wanted to go. He has a newly minted full driver's license and he and his friends expected to hit the road and travel far away into the woods. They settled on Ward Pound Ridge Reservation, a beautiful campsite--20 minutes away from home. Unfortunately, for them and us, they needed a 21 year old along or they couldn't get the campsite.

Would the Dads go for the father/son bonding experience? Of course not! It was moms to the rescue! Wives who go where "real men" fear to tread. The Dads stayed home to take the daughters (not in my case--only males in my house) to get a mani. Funny really. Mine wrangled a game of golf in my absence with son number two. Anyhow, the boys packed up and we did the food shopping. They set up the tents and they set up all the supplies and we ate, supervised the cooking and then crept into the tent and sleeping bags and fell fast asleep.

We awoke that night at 1:45 to the sounds of two animals viciously fighting. One of them was being clawed to death and was screaming for its life. Of course, we were in the tent between the forest and the campfire and the food had mistakenly been left out. My friend S and I were too chicken to consider even peering out of the tent. The animal came up to the tent and started trying to get in!!! Then we heard it thrashing around the campsite in the garbage and eating the rest of the Jiffy Pop that had been left out when 3 moms drink too much wine and leave the food out!! I guess we felt so close to suburbia that we did not believe anything could happen.

Meanwhile, one of the moms, fearless C, was brave enough to look out with a flash light to spy two beady eyes looking back at her. Must have been raccoons. I don't know if there could be any bears in the area though we do have coyotes.


So I called to my son in the other tent, no response. Then I called his cell...straight to voicemail. So the moms and I basically cracked each other up for the next hour or so about our near misses with the wild kingdom. S had to pee but didn't dare leave the tent! C told the story of how she is giving her time to the Bronx Zoo. (Oh, that is not it's current name--I forget what it is. Zoo is not PC and we all know I am JUST NOT THAT PC). She had a choice of the reptiles or birds. She chose birds. We figured it is the right choice, except after she told us that she was recently attacked by a male flamingo in mating season. He pecked at her arms so badly that her husband saw her in short sleeves and gasped. Anyhow, back in the tent we were laughing so hard and S still had to pee.

I decided since my lovely husband let me fend for myself I would call him up. He and I usually will wake each other up with a bad dream or whatever and go back to sleep but I admit, I didn't mind waking him after he left me to do the wild kingdom thing. He was hilarious on the phone, though both he and I do not remember too much about the conversation.

Eventually morning came and the boys wanted to cook their own breakfast so we left the wilderness and headed for the nearby town to avoid seeing people we know. You know, we actually looked pretty good for a bunch of ladies with dirty hair and no make up on. Of course, we did see someone we know....

So all in all, it was a great camping experience. I would do it again, if I could bring the more fearless moms with me, and maybe a couple of attack flamingos for good measure.

Keep your eyes on the road

and your hands upon the wheel. Who wrote that song? I have been humming it all day.
An apt song for the time. My eldest son has just gotten his adult driver's license. Now he can drive himself places, or he could, if we had a third car. He has been reminding us how convenient it would be if we only had another car.

So yesterday we started shopping for a car. Boy, did I feel old. It didn't help that the salesmen were all about 22. And the exchange went something like this:

The dealer had an earing, slick smile and perfectly waxed eyebrows and a smug look on his face as he said, "so Mom, what kind of vehicle do you want for him?"
And I replied, deadpan, "a tank".

Anyhow, we took a detour to a Volvo dealer who had some nice cars just off lease. Somehow I think they may be better than the thin metal cans that he could be hurtling in down the highway at top speeds. Well, they may be closer to a tank after all.

I did look up the song. It was written by the Doors. The rest of it goes like this:

Yeah I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
Well I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer,
Future's uncertain, and the end is always near.

Let it roll, baby roll.
Let it roll, baby roll.
Let it roll, baby roll.

Let it roll--- all night long.

I would like to know that the future for my precious son is certain and that the end is not near --but somehow--as the song remind us, this just isn't so.

The Eyes Have It

Something about the eye of a human or an animal is really special. Someone said that the eyes are "the windows of the soul". It does seem that way to me. I can usually look into someone's eyes and get a sense of who they are. Are they wary, or open? Are they warm or cold, dead eyes? As a headhunter the eyes call tell you a lot. Very few people can make direct and steady eye contact when they are lying. Many people can't make eye contact at all. Sometimes this is a telling part of their temperament. It affects the jobs they take and the type of environment they like to be part of.

In any case, the eyes are a window in and a window out. One of the worst things imaginable to me would be to be rendered blind. I hope that never happens to me or to any one that I love. I love to see the light in the morning and to see nature's beauty. I can not imagine a life dimmed without sight.

Today, my son B was playing outside and let his baseball bat slip out of his hands. As luck would have it, our beautiful chocolate lab was standing not far away and got hit in the eye by the bat. It was horrible. My amazing husband rushed him to the vet and we had to stay behind because our son has a project due and had a friend on his way over to do it. Luckily, our dog will need only some stitches to his eyelid tomorrow morning, from a dog opthamologist. Personally, I think there may still be something wrong with his eye. I am still worried but I can't let my sons know. They would be heart broken.

This dog has the most beautiful eyes. They are the color of mink with a yellowish tinge. They were part of how we chose him as a pup. They show such emotion. You can tell when he is tired or happy. We love this dog and hope he lives a long and happy life, with both of his beautiful eyes.

Boys and fire trucks

Did you ever notice how some boys gravitate towards fire trucks? Deep in my memory banks I thought about the fire chief I spoke to back in 1995 about a birthday party for my son A. He loved firetrucks so I convinced the then-Chief DR to let us make a donation to the Fire Department and, in turn, the kids got to climb on a real fire truck and meet the real firemen. I painted the heavy red plastic fire hats with their names. We played "put the dot on the dalmatian". (My version of a weird pin the tail on the donkey) and we played red light, green light and other games that no one from this century knows, so it was all new to them. We also made a huge fire engine cake. The cake was easy--4 boxes of Duncan Hines in a big throw away turkey roasting pan or two. You make the cake and put it on a board covered in tin foil and cut to the shape of a truck and frost it. Problem is, you can not make red icing. Think about it. Red dye and white icing = pink. And boys are not into pink cakes. So I sent my dear husband to the supermarket to pick up that red sugar and we coated the pink cake with it. We sent many of those kids so high on sugar, I am not sure they came down. And the party was a big hit.

So why did I think of that today? Well I was talking to the fire commissioner, now an acquaintance from our temple board, and he had been that same chief! And the occasion was the inspection of the local Fire Department. I was there to see my now newly 17 year old son at his first inspection as a fire fighter. (They don't say fireman anymore.) He was so handsome in his uniform. Corny but true. I was so proud.

It is 2 days past his birthday and he made me drive him to the Department of Motor Vehicles, (there is another blog in that) to get his senior license. One good thing, now he can drive himself to the fires!

Resilience and Optimism

I read an excellent piece in the Wall Street Journal (click here). The other talks about "the unshakable belief some people have that they have what it takes to succeed. First described by Stanford University psychologist Albert Bandura in the 1970s, self-efficacy has become a key concept in educational circles, and is being applied to health care, management, sports and seemingly intractable social problems like AIDS in developing countries. It's also a hallmark of the "positive psychology" movement now sweeping the mental-health field, which focuses on developing character strengths rather than alleviating pathologies."

Basically it is the study of why certain people believe they will succeed against the odds. Why even in the face of failure do people continue to try. There are many examples in the article of people who failed and then went on to be great successes, many of them public figures or popular heroes.

I think many of us are "born optimists". We always try to find the positives. There are obviously people who are usually wringing their hands over things that are nominally upsetting. There are people who rejoice at other people's successes and want to revel in what is good in the world and others who are only looking for a pity party. They relate to others in terms of comparative frustration or sadness. Hey, all of us get pulled into that from time to time. I myself have been known to replay issues from one friend to the other gal pal to get a read on something bothering me or to get a sense of whether my personal barometer for things is off.

Most of the time though, I am happy. I look at the world of problems and believe there are solutions. My son is currently reading The Diary of Anne Frank and as most of you know, she includes in her diary her belief that most people are good. I agree.

Recently, I met the publisher of The Secret. She told us all how she wound up with this very successful book and while many of the other books she have published are not as successful, they all paved the way. The book itself is an interesting concept. A lot of it is supposed to be about having a positive attitude, almost to a crazy extreme. But I do think that having a positive outlook in life truly helps. If you believe you will achieve a goal, it is much more likely. (And hey aren't there enough other people to tell you why you might fail?)

Personally, I wouldn't really call it "self efficacy", I would simply call it resilience.

The definition of the word is interesting. It is about springing back, recovering, or resuming the original position after something has been bent or compressed. But in order to regain that strength, the will to persevere has to come from the innate believe that you already have "it".
Some people just have it and others can develop it or hone it. How?

Seek the positive! Look for happiness! Try to make others feel that way too--it will come back to you. Feed your soul!

Quiz Show

I was walking across a college campus and someone thrust a "quiz" into my hands. Astonished I saw it was given to me by a libertarian. On a public college campus?! Could this be? Anyhow, I wonder how many of my friends would actually take a test like this one. They might be surprised by the results. Or not. Click here!

Here is another one that I just took. click here. It is skewed a bit also but interesting.
This one was probably the most interesting. Click here.
Were any of you surprised by your results? Please hit the post button and respond, si vous plait?

Gossip Girl. Mandolins and the Dalai Lama

So what do the topics above have to do with each other? Well it truly is a world of "six degrees of separation". Plus you have to love a day that includes each of the above. My friends and work colleagues know that I love the way people connect, especially when serendipity is involved.
I admit it. I watch Gossip Girl! The young women in my office watch it, my friend watches with her daughter and even a guy I know has to see it and it is my guilty pleasure. It is SO silly. We were talking about it in the office and realized that the real life Lydia Hearst will be on the show and we know her brother-in-law from business. Six degrees from Gossip Girl!
Then we are on the train this morning and Mr. B is already on. He is a professor at a top college and very well-read. One morning a year ago he brought an exquisite guitar on the train which he proudly showed us. It really was a treat because it was a reproduction of an 18th century guitar. The train was full of rustling newspapers on a rainy cold morning and the quiet of the rest of the regular passengers who, by now are used to our morning chatter. We asked him to play. It was just one of those moments of beauty. A 50-something year old man in a suit, an ordinary man, until he picked up the guitar! Then he morphed into someone quite extraordinary. His fingers flew across the strings which were pouring out the most voluptuous classical guitar I have heard. Everyone looked up and clapped.
Anyhow, this morning S sat with us and I introduced them and told her a few interesting points about him. She is a "connector" and has a way of making everyone she speaks to feel they are the most important person in the room(or the train as the case may be) . She is terrific. She almost immediately finds out that both the gentleman and her husband both play the mandolin. I don't personally know many who do so I figure this must be a rare occurrence. I mean who takes this up? I imagine it has to be an intelligent person interested in a rare and difficult instruments to play. Now they may play together. Two degrees from dueling mandolins.
Last is the Dalai Lama. Turns out he knows someone from my alma mater who got him to visit our small college.He has been there for three days. My friend who is now on the Board got to meet with him. If she had known back in our days at school that someday she would meet and greet the Dalai lama..well she wouldn't have believed it! 3 degrees from th Dalai Lama!

Eggstravaganza

This time of year always brings with it the ultimate rite of spring--the quest for the perfect egg. It is true!
Christian or Jew, you have to know how to boil a perfect hard boiled egg. Somehow for Easter and Passover we need to show off our egg genius. Mine usually turn out slightly green. I am so distracted that I forget them and they cook too long. Or I buy them that day and they wind up too fresh and difficult to peel. And why oh why do they wind up with those strange shapes sometimes like too much air got into the shell?

Thanks to the internet, I have hope (see here) of cooking the perfect hard boiled egg. No more will I have a misshapen bunch of ugliness to set out on my table.

Next Year in Jerusalem

So another year has gone by and we have still not made it to Jerusalem. I know that I want to get there with my sons and husband this year. All of these years we say it without much thought at the Seder but it is my hope and prayer that we go next year.

Actually, if we could go before 09 we will see it during her 60th year!
One small piece of land which is so full of history and religion.

So tomorrow I cook. We are having over 24 people and there is a lot to cook and much to get ready. Usually we do something funny for the plagues. Sun glasses for darkness, ketchup packets for the blood etc. I just don't have the time or energy this year. Oh well. It is a lot of work but everyone seems to appreciate it and we will get to see our grand nieces and nephews. Also, I find that a round of cosmos definitely puts the family in a good mood.

Train Gang

When I first thought about beginning to write, I was talking to a friend on the train. We agreed you could probably write a wonderful book about all of the people we meet commuting through the years and all of the lives and stories that intersect. And I sure love a great story, which is why I suppose, I never sit alone, or with my husband (who would much rather read (snore) ). I sit in the "facing seats". And that has made all the difference.

When you sit in the "facing seats" on our train it means that you won't necessarily have peace and quiet. Occasionally the grumpy person who sits in our proximity learns that the hard way, but generally it is the unwritten rule of commuting life, that if you sit directly facing another human being, you will be social. Many of us have our own little clusters that have ridden together for years.

I first learning the phenomenon when I was a very young law student working at a firm and commuting alone for the summer from Long Island to my parent's home. I was befriended by a bunch of folks much older than I. They all lived where I did, the end of the line. We were the first ones on the train, and the last to leave. That line had some hard-bitten gamblers too. The same moving poker game had been going on for years. The guys would get on the train in NYC and take down the big poster advertising whatever, turn it over in their laps and begin the game. The money would be tucked into the corners. There was lots of swearing and smoke. (Cigarettes were allowed back then). Commuting was the great equalizer. There were union men and CEOs and many millionaires. You could just get home so much faster on the train than the Long Island Expressway.

There was even a guy whose wife went on Oprah with her Mom to talk about their relationship and how that left him, the husband, as a third wheel. Oprah was a lot like Maury back then. And there were a bunch of sweet people who all had stories. At that point, mostly men, who worked hard and played hard and trekked into "the City" (because anyone from NY knows there is only one) to support their families. Soon the summer was over. They had a party for me. Someone brought 3 thermoses of coffee and the conductor ( a woman) made a coffee cake, and they all wished me well and I returned to law school.

Later I began to commute to NYC myself as a grown woman. The ghosts of the old card games and cigarettes were long gone but the stories were still there. It was a different train line but a popular route. I got to know a couple of women on the line. One of them, I will call her Suzie, met me right after my youngest son was born. Through the years she has always offered me wise counsel. I have followed behind her through the years of childrearing, childcare, working and finding out how to put things that are important first. We rarely socialize outside of the train, but we do know much of each other's lives. I hope I have brightened her day sometimes, and knowing her has definitely enriched mine.

There is also E, who is a great wife and mother. She is a career woman all the way, and yet is so sweet and caring and frets about her children in college. She and her husband have a love and partnership that is one that I admire and she is a very genuine person, who truly means well for those who deserve it. She believes in our community, global and local.

Yet another is a top banker and has a wry smile and sly joke for all occasions. She wears the shoes of a nun but is anything but. We tease her about the shoes, knowing they are only on so she can make a mad dash to her office. She taught me about acceptance of the nature and character of friends and family. She is beautiful, but has no idea, and truly could not care less about the outside of the package. She works incredibly hard and used to travel all the time. I love that I see her at night on the train with a beer.

We also have an artist and teacher. She regales us with stories of the college and her many jobs after hours. She moved to town when I did and we looked at the same houses. Our weight has fluctuated at the same time up and down and we even bought our dogs at the same time. She and I will disconnect for months and then reconnect like we saw each other the day before. Every time our lives intersect we find out that we have each been crossing paths some other way in what we have been doing.

There are also people from other stops who have retired, or even passed away. We were remembering our friend Marianne. I met her the night the train hit a car and we were all stranded for hours. We had cell phones (it was not the norm then) and passed them around so everyone could call their families. And we told our stories. I had overheard hers for a year before we met. She had been married twice before and she was about to marry for true love the third time around. He rode the train with us too. They were so in love. She was one of those beauties, around 50 but you would swear she was 35. Long blonde hair and a passion for cashmere and other fine things. She worked selling luxury consumer goods. We had met as couples off the train for dinner. A year or so later she was coughing a lot on the train and we urged her to check it out. Turned out to be lung cancer. A few short months later she was gone. She wouldn't let us visit. She didn't want any of us to see her without her beauty. We went to her funeral and her wake, a group of us. Her husband saw us too. He will never be the same. He really never rode the train again.

We had our own train wake. We took up two sides of the "facing seats" on the 6:29. And two more rows besides. It was me and my banker friend and a bunch of others. We got beer and blood orange margaritas and chips and had a party in her honor. She would have approved.

We know each others stories and lives, we wait for the sequel the next day or week. Sometimes these "strangers" know more about us than our own family members. These are the people who give us counsel, humor and offer up their wonderful ideas. Sometimes we really just read a book or a newspaper and don't really listen in to the conversations. Now I am one of the "older women" and I have met some of the younger moms trying to balance the two to four year old set and their jobs, families, homes, parents etc. It brings me back to those days.

The train really never stops. We all commute from one place to another, from one life to another. The destination may be work or it may be home. I get off on a spring day like the other day, and we all call out to each other to have a great evening, or weekend or whatever. We join the larger group of folks up the stairs and call out to a few more friendly faces.

Taboo: Politics and Religion

I have been sparring with my Rabbi. Oh, I know you are picturing me with the gloves on, taunting him to take the first swing. Actually, this has been much more genteel, at least on the surface. It certainly seems like very few others ever question our religious leaders. I think in light of the events in the world we ought to do so. We need to know where they stand and not to pretend we don't when they are preaching their views from the pulpit.

I am considering whether or not I can continue as a Reform Jew. It was something I was raised with. While I know my Rabbi is a learned man in several ways, I am very disappointed to learn that he can not see the obvious, which is that by adopting a liberal political stance for all of the members of a religious sect, the Reform movement is exactly the same, or I would posit even worse than, their avowed enemy, "the Religious Right". Who on earth (or in Heaven for that matter) decided that the Rabbis and leaders of our sect of Judaism must press for a particular political platform? While I agree that individual Rabbis are entitled to their own opinions, why is it that they should determine for us what our political beliefs must be? Aren't these complex issues that may not have easy answers?

Instead of truly teaching and learning Torah, our entire being seems to have shifted into "Repairing the Earth" or Tikun Olam. Now this is certainly a noble cause, and practically unassailable. But I am afraid that it is truly the code for beginning to become involved in more political action. While they call it social action (what the heck is that?) in truth much of what each Temple is now involved in involves politics. And it is not just exhorting individuals to do this, but utilizing the funds and time of each Temple to do it. For example, the URJ now has adopted a platform that each temple should offer a course in Islam. The problem is that they are not doing an adequate job of teaching Judaism.

There is also the "RAC" which really is a political action committee which is a lobbying organization. And lest you think it is solely in place to push the issues important to us as Jews, it is everything but. See here. For example, they are seeking to make sure certain judges are not confirmed by the Senate (click here) because they feel that those judges might not be pro "separation of church from state". AM I THE ONLY ONE TO NOTE THE IRONY IN THIS????

My Rabbi says that we are a tent or a sukkah, and that under it all types of Jews can be sheltered. The mission statement says:
“The synagogue is a kehilah kedoshah– a sacred community. Like a sukkah, it is constructed of many different branches woven together: the young, the old, the rich and the poor, the married and the unmarried, single parents, grandparents, gays and heterosexuals, non-Jewish spouses. The broader the Sukkah’s reach, the more tightly its branches are woven, the stronger it stands.”

Everyone is welcome under the sukkah, unless of course, you have a more "conservative" point of view. Then you are "against social action" and can't possibly be a good reform Jew. Sometimes it is mighty lonely standing up for your principles.

Sex Sells

Can you tell if they are real?

It never ceases to amaze me when men think that breast implants are real. Do they honestly believe that the really thin women they see just happen to have large breasts? Sometimes I am sitting with S or P and other folks we know and are discussing different people we know. My husband is pretty clueless about this and, with the exception of the picture above, will always assume they are real.
Them: "They must be real....she is young"
Me: "Nope"
Them: "But they look so lifelike"
Me: "Nope"
Them: "But then why aren't they bigger?
Me: "ARGHHH"
That last comment is said with the intent of making say "arghhh"

Breasts have become the object of speculation and of the scoring mentality that seems to go along with all of the statistical analysis of sports. And of course plastic surgery has become so attainable that many many women are doing more and more. And who cares really. If it make them happy and within the bounds of reason (maybe not the lovely lady above).

Could the uber thin Victoria Beckham really be this thin and have the breasts she does? Nope (hint this is a link).

Men are so easily conned. Really. Women usually know. Do you think it is just because they really want to believe?

Now for those of you who are thinking what the heck???!!! This is not her blog topic! You are correct. The thing that got me thinking about this is a Wall Street Journal article from today's paper about this woman named Armstrong who started a blog(click here). She is apparently making a fortune. Her husband actually quit his job to manage the post. (Are they living in a box? No, apparently). Her site is supposed to be racy and her sense of humor really hilarious. Personally, I am not certain that her writing or blogging is any better than the great ones I have read--especially Magpiemusing and kathylikespink and all the other blogs I aim to add to my list of favs. Magpie is the one who inspired me!

Personally if I knew THE Wall Street Journal, the best newspaper in the land, was profiling my blog, I would have had one of my best posts. She must have had one million hits today.

Anyhow, I have done religion, politics and the one other thing I haven't yet discussed was sex...so why not. Although, are these breasts related to sex? I guess not really....That will have to wait for another post. Maybe the one about what happens to those pendulous items as we age. One of our friends mentioned his ex just had a "blow out". Yep, it ruptured. Now, this is someone who is so scared of cancer and other illnesses she is probably on drugs for her hypochondria, and yes, she still took the risk and got them. The others just fall down to your knees as you age. (The breasts not the exes). Either way--not a great look.

As for plastic surgery--I am all for it. If you have the dough and won't regret it and are willing to take the risk, why not. I work in NYC so just traveling to the office is a risk. So if my friend and I do finally take that (ahem) vacation and return looking "refreshed", you will guess why....or maybe not if you are a guy.


Speaking of posts, I want some action....let's see a few of you guys hit the post button and write to me. Is anyone out there?